Beijing Turkey Day

Hiiiilo again! My mac is finally fixed and im back on the interwebz. To kick off my next spurt of bloggings I decided to write a little on my vacay to China for Turkey Day. They don't let you post on blogger sooo I wrote it and saved it for the day my mac re-entered my life. Here it is! wahoo

No Youtube, Netflix, Facebook, Google, or Pandora. A place where politics is hush-hush for fear of
getting Tienamen Square silenced. A place where you can only drive on days that your license plate
allows and an extra child costs you 20,000 clams.

I knew China was a world away from the U.S. but I think because this time, instead of Shanghai (the
cultural city), we’re in Beijing (the commie political capital) things are much stricter. For instance, I’m
writing in Word right now because Blogspot is off limits too (Why would you even buy internet if you
can only go to websites like YayForCommunism.BeeBeeBoopImARobot.com)

We started the trip in Detroit and I was lucky I made it cuz seats were realll tight. Tom was flying the
plane and before setting off we went to the Delta briefing room so he could chart the flight. Apparently
we’d be flying right ovah the North Pole (#SantaSTOP—just kiddin. Dat bitch is prolly waay busy right now).

Anyways, we finished that pilot mumbo jumbo and headed to tha plane. I was greeted at the gate
by a sassy little Asian woman, Cindy, who, after handing me my ticket, piped up with “Now you get me coffee” At the time, I didn’t know if this was a serious request or a “I joke, I joke, get on da plane Kido!” comment sooo I just awk-laughed and  lanked down the runway.(Later,  I would come to find out Cindy was 100 percent serious and that I should now travel through Detroit with caution because she worked all the time and had a history of holdin grudges )

I hurried on the plane, looking over my shoulder constantly aware that Cindy The Grudge-Holder could jump me any second, and was greeted by flight attendants who could not possibly have been born on earth. Don’t get me wrong, they were some of the nicest women I’ve ever met (Ya want a cookie? Here’s a glass a champagne, don’t tell your father. Etc) but they had so much plastic surgery that I could never tell if they were happy, angry, confused, or all three. Needless to say, tone of voice was a big player in understanding these alien-like stewardesses.

I plopped down in my seat and BAM. Out cold. Slept for 10 hours straight and when I woke up Alien #1 was offering me chocolate cream-puffs with…wait for ittt…A CHEESE PLATE! It.dont.get.bettah.
#hatamia

Put my gloves on, threw on the ski jacket, and tightened my Navajo hoodie, gearing up for the Beijing
cold. We got on the crew bus and after weaving and bobbing through cars, bikes, and a few Asian roller bladers we arrived at the hotel. All I can say is L.E.G.I.T. They did stuff like hold doors for you and say “Hello sir, how is your day?” like I was some fancy-pantsed businessman. We got into the room (8076) and craaasshed.

We woke up bright and early and set off to the Great Wall with our tour guide Mark (Doubtful that was
his real name but he could be Mark if he wanted. I kinda wanted to make up a new identity for myself
like Carlos or Herman but I was in a group with Tom and his fellow pilots and I doubted
they’d yes-and me...errybody knows new identities are no fun without some fellow yes-anders)

Speaking of the fellow pilots, here seems a good spot to let you know what I was dealing with. Glen, a
Will Ferrell look-alike, disliked Forest Gump and Disney World and liked being pessimistic. But
somehow he made pessimism hilarious and I liked keeping him around for a good chuckle.

Dave was a Star Wars Emperor look-alike (with the wrinkle-face). Dave liked telling pearls apart by rubbing them together (If they made a scratchy noise they were legit!).

Ray, the last of the pilot amigos was Glen’s drinking buddy and liked talking about his divorce/new
online dating conquests and had a couple good jokes up his sleeve. (That’s a French car. They run well,
but they can’t fight at all) #knee-slapper #frytheFrench.

Back to the Wall.
We trekked through an hour and half of sheep herders and small Mulan-like villages (I kept singing that
“You’ll bring honor to your family too” song)  to finally reach the Mutiyanu section of the wall, equipped with a Ski Lift Up and a smooth Tobogan ride down. We took the ski lift up while TourGuide Mark stayed at the car doing god knows what. The wall was so crazy. We got up there and on one side you could see a monstrous snowcapped mountain range and on the other the Chinese villages we had passed.

Hollywood and Disney must really have a hold on me because I couldn’t stop thinking about the epic
Mulan snow firework battle and scenes from Lord of the Rings. On every peak and mountain ledge in the distance you could see another tower of the wall. I counted eight but I knew there were countless more behind every twist and turn of the mountain range.

ALSO, snagged a little chunk of the wall. currently in my coat pockeett!

 After walking some of the wall we took the toboggan ride down to meet up with Mark. It was a rush until I got caught behind Slowy-McSlowerson. She was some nervous German girl who was pumping the brakes at every turn but I wasn’t too mad cuz she was really shaken up about the whole ride.

Mark took us to a waay local eatery where I got Kung Pao chicken. Mark’s beverage of choice? Hot
water.Yuck. Tom tried to get him to talk about the Revolution but he just kept saying “NO politics please” They’ll black bag ya for even talking about it. Communism. Yuck.

We said goodbye to Mark and went to the Pearl Market (knockoff city) and got some cool shiiaat. Dr.
Dre’s, mittens, bowties etc. It got to be so exhausting though. They pull you this way and tug you that
way to sell.sell.sell. We later ate at the Brown Door and drank some local TsingTao beer and Ray went
on and on about his divorce. I didn’t mind though. I liked listening to all these old farts.

The next day we headed to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. It was impressive but nothing like the wall. Chairman Mao had his picture on the front of the Forbidden City. #ImaBigDeal and I found out 24 emperors lived there until the People’s Revolution! Coooolio. I got to craving a Cheeseburger so to the Golden Arches we rode. Mcdonalds, home sweet home. I gobbled one, or two and we went back to the hotel. We walked down a bunch of side roads and it was cool to see all the locals in their little shops advertising a big bottle of beer (about a 40) for 75cents. Yes PUhleeese.
4am rolled around and it was time to roollll out. We kissed Beijing goodbye and boarded the plane to
Detroit, then San Fran for turkey day.

I’m sitting here now and just watched a movie called The Beginners. The main character’s dad comes out as gay at 75 years old and I’m not gonna ruin it but it has
a lot to do with this quote that’s in it.
“What is real? Does it hurt? Sometimes. Does it happen all at once? It takes a long time. Generally by
the time you are real most of your hair has fallen off, your eyes have dropped off, and you get loose in
the joints. But these things don’t matter at all because you are REAL. You cant be ugly except to people who don’t understand”

Love.it. time to sleep. Bona Nott

Fings Crossed for a Sickly Mac!

Woe is my poor computadora! My little Mac is reall sick due to the download of the new Jay-Z/Kanye album. Curses upon the rapping brilliance that brought down my link to everything technology! It's been 3 days and I'm counting down the hours til he gets revived, whether that be by the peeps at PeachMac or a Craigslist tech man named Steve I looked up. (Steve seems kinda shady though so I'm still shopping around for who to trust with nursing my comp back to life).

For now I am forced to use library computers and that means no watching Boardwalk Empire and small blog posts when I catch a spare moment.

Fings crossed for the littlest Mac to get better. More to come when I'm not technologically handicapped!

The Thirstiest LateNight Burrito Muncher

Went to Milledgeville for a weekend filled with nifty costumes and weird dance moves! 

Visited Nicky and we went to a Neewollah (Halloween) party. Kermit and Ms. Piggy were our choices of attire and, let me tell you, we were a SENSATIONNN. People stopped us on the streets with comments like "Nice choice!" or "You rock it sister". The best were the people that just gave us thumbs up though. It was a silent gesture that said "I would be friends with you because of your costume choice".

We started at an underground bar called "Chops" and I got to see tons of old friends. Reunited and it felt so good. Although I was happy to see some old faces, there was one instance of a girl with reall glossy eye lashes who saw me, stormed over to me, and wrapped me in her lanky embrace. Who was this full-bodied lash queen?  To me, it is still a mystery. After her sloppy attempt at a hug she just kind of wandered off without even a word. One of the thumbs-up street friends we had met earlier? Most likely.

We then went to some other place that had stairs to a balcony that overlooked the whole bar. We were talking and schmoozing with an occasional dance move here and there and my friend Gist dared me to go dance across the balcony. I was feeling the crowd so I went for it. I lanked an impromptu dance across the balcony and for a dramatic finish bound down the stairs with my hands waving in the wind. However, I was so focused on production value that I lost my footing and pulled and Atlanta Grape Lady falling down a couple stairs. Ohh ohh ohh oh ehhh aahh ooh. I twisted my ankle, but I recovered soon enough to not let on that there had been a flaw in the performance.

Later that night I went for some Barberritos. Burritos in my belly? Yes Puhleez. It was my turn to order and the man asked "Beans or Rice?" I am fairly (100percent) certain I said," No beans!"but to my dismay he plopped em right on anyways. Eh, I could live with a few beans. I just wanted food, and fast! As I got to the end at the cash register the girl asked if I would be having a beverage. First of all, beverage is pretentious. Just say drink or soda or something. This is a late night burrito joint for the love of god. Anyways, I replied I'd just like a cup for water and I pointed at the unmarked cups behind the counter. The woman, little mrs. attitude, sasstastically replied "Those cups are only for beer. We only have bottles of water." Uhh whaaat? I was not taking THIS nonsense after the beans incident. So, I went over to the soda fountain and pressed the water button. As it was running down the drain, never to be drunken by any thirsty patron, I asked, "What's this for then?" (I know I was being rude but I had had it). Then the line that really turned me sour: "Those are for daytime customers only" OH NO SHE DID NOT. Like I am not granted the same drinking privileges as daytime eaters. Raadiculous. Absurd. No no. Not Having it.

I was fed up but I was more into the idea of getting fed so I just ate my burrito in bitterness but the next time I'm in Milledgeville if I happen to eat at Barberittos again, I'm gonna give Aleisha, the sassiest employee in all late night eateries, a real piece of my mind. Sidenote: Beans were a nice surprise and the burrito was filling and delicious! 

LunaFish and the Bush Pig

Haven't posted for the past two days cuz I've been reallll sick with strep throat. Ickk. Yes andings all about rolling with life's punches though so even though I sit here sweating bullets from my fever, I have the strength to sit up. translation: I have energy to write.

In recent news, went to orientation for Advertising (got into my major hollaaa) and we walk into the auditorium to meet our advisor. We sit down and this broad-shouldered, hardass in a blue business-woman's jumpsuit yells something to the equivalent of, "I am as serious as my jumpsuit is tight. Fear me." She kept yelling and trying to scare people (I don't know why. I was just so confused.) Sooo at the end, when she asked for any other questions, I raised my hand and inquired: "Why is your email listed as lunafish@uga?" She looked a little thrown off guard but then gave a totally cop-out answer. "Because I wanted to be different" NOT AN ANSWER. the mystery of this lunafish character has begun. Ima get to the bottom of this. Also, I now dubbed this jumpsuit wearer LunaFish because she's scaly on the outside but I bet on the inside she's got a tender spot. Maybe something similar to a good seared ahi tuna or tilapia. Once, we get her to shed those scales, I'm sure like Lil Salsa Bean, she won't be that bad.

Also, skyped with Karrah last night! She's near Brisbane at Port Something-or-Other and she said that the equivalent of a "slut" in Australia is a "Bush Pig" but instead of using it in the negative context they've turned it into something to strive for. To be the wildest, off-the-rocker, most dare-devil of a lank in all the land down under, with accompanying oinking at anything that merits a "Bush Pig" shoutout, of course. Miss her so much and can't wait for her to return so we can "bush pig" around LA for new years.

Hope to get over this sickness fast. Penicillin, here i comeee

A Quarter for Karma

Went to the gym this morning waay early. Typed in my ID number at the turnstile. beep beep boop boop. Access Granted. Groggily stumble down the white-washed corridor to the lockers. Insert my quarter into the locker. Clink clink. Swing my towel over my shoulder. Whoosh. Ready2Go.

As I'm about to enter the weight room, ready for a quick workout so I can get back to snoozing, a distraught girl fumbles to the lockers. She asks if she can use a quarter for the lockers. Being on a one-track mind, Ready2Go, and trained to never give money away I lie: "Sorry only got one!" I walk off and immediately feel a weird sense of guilt. It seemed like second nature for me to keep what was mine and have a "sucks to suck" attitude toward her. My whole workout I think about that girl and, although it wasn't that big of a deal that I didn't part with a quarter, I'm more annoyed that I so easily dismissed someone else's problem when I could of helped so easily.

I started feeling nauseous during the workout (karma at its finest) and called it quits pretty early. As I was walking out, a kid huffed under his breath that he didn't have a quarter. B-I-N-G-O. I thrust a quarter into his hand screaming "A quarter for you, good sir!" Maybe I got a wee bit too aggressive and enthusiastic in my haste to right the wrong(evident by the "A quarter was not worth the spectacle you just made" look he shot me) but, nonetheless, I felt a lot better doing it right the second time.

Yay for getting karma back on yo side.

Wishy-Washy Drizzles

Forgot to write yesterday because of parade shenanigans! Ooops, oh well. Guess I just gotta "yes and" with the punches. It's rainy today, reallll rainy, and I feel kinda like the weather. I need to get out and do something on this overcast Monday soo I'm about to go thrifting with Rosebud and Lucas later. Maybe Ill luck out with a another snazzy Navajo jacket or pair o DrMartens.

The real reason today is a D-R-A-G is because the weather is at an in-between stage. No rain. No snow. No sunshine. It's one of those wishy-washy, bi-polar days of cloudiness, gusts and drizzling. If we had full on rain, the day might still hold potential (puddle-jumpin, popsicle stick racin, raindrop-tongue catchin) but drizzles leave no room for imagination-fueled outside adventures, just suffering under the sporadic weather conditions to reach your next location. Lamesauce. 

Going to limit my sporadic weather suffering after thrifting by going to VisionVid to rent J'ai tué ma mère (I Killed My Mother) by Xavier Dolan, among other random videos that catch my eye (they're a dollaa, hollaaaa). It's that kind of dreary, "wrap me up with some hot cocoa" movie day and, lets be real, any day is a good day for French film. 

Marionette of AntiDuty

As part of a Resident Assistant duty weekend at UGA we're allowed to leave the building on Saturdays either from 7am-Noon or Noon-5pm. Unfortunately, I drew the short end of the straw on this one and was allowed to leave for the morning only. Whattttt-a-drag. I'm usually never up before noon anyways but, forcing myself to "yes and", I decided to get up at 7 in the AM to take full advantage of this measly fate I had chosen...Who knows? Maybe I could even get a cheery tip of the hat from good ole Mr. Sunshine. It'd been a while since I had been awake before him anyways.

So, this morning I suited up for a run. Shoes, bunny ears and burrow through the thicket (I was on one those kids that needed remedial lace tying), shorts, bandana. Being an away game, Athens was a ghost town and I thought it'd be a perfect day to bop around and take in a breathe of the retreating autumn before winter took over.

With Sufjan Stevens at my side, I tip-toed out of the sleeping, dreary dormitory. I stormed down the hill adjacent to my prison cave with food in my sights. Dewy grass blurred to my left and right. Crunch. I hit the gravel then the road, still no souls in sight. As I got into the groove of the run my breath became heavier and my body adjusted to the rhythmic pulsing of the music. Then my favorite part of running happened right about at the crescendo of Promises (I had switched from Sufjan to get a little more WOMP in my stride)  I hit that moment of a run when your mind kinda tunes out everything and your body feels like it's controlled by strings. The music moves you like a marionette. Realllll cathartic. Arm swing, leg swivel, beat, beat, breathe.  Melancholy upbeat acoustic bliss. Weird to try to describe it but it kept me sane for the rest of my duty today.

As I approached the dining hall, the sun gave me a little peeking "how do ya do" from the horizon. I sprinted for my finish and dove into the grass under a sycamore. I laid under the pointy needles of grass, already brittle for winter and gave out a sigh.

Music + NatureRunning= My Antidote to duty..My AntiDUTY.